It’s gearing up to be a wildly fun and productive summer! Spring has already lit a fire under my butt. I’m like Wile E. Coyote strapping himself to a bright red rocket and getting ready to blast off into the great unknown. Must. Go. Fast! I guess that makes the fiber community the Roadrunner? Not really sure how that all works out. Does Acme even make yarn?

First, I am so excited! Wonder Mike over at Fiber Beat interviewed Caro and I at TNNA Winter in Long Beach and it’s live, so go listen! Mike did an amazing job editing the interview and adding just the perfect songs and musical interludes. I want him to follow me around all the time from now on so he can make me sound articulate and not-at-all-like-a-dumbass. Thank you, Mike, you are a Master Podcaster!

Last week, I went to TNNA in Ohio with Caro (Splityarn), Amy (StashKnitRepeat) and Pam (FlintKnits) and it was such a great trip. I also got to spend some quality time with Jenn (Nipperknits), Elinor (ExcerciseBeforeKnitting), Miriam (MimKnits) and a whole host of other people. It really was the most amazing array of people you could imagine. I’ve been knitting and blogging since 2004. You guys, it’s 2011! That’s . . . ermmm . . . a number of years. A whole bunch of them. And it’s been amazing to watch my fellow fiber enthusists change and grow over those years.

(I’m going to do a big name/link drop at the end of this post and hopefully I won’t forget too many people. I always forget people, but if we met and laughed and possibly hugged, chime in to remind me because I’m really bad at remembering things.)

You couldn’t ask for a group of more brilliant and talented people to spend time with. I’m always amazed at the brain power we have managed to capture in this community. Luckily, we have decided to use that power for good, otherwise we’d be flying around in an intricately cabled cashmere Death Star. Take that, Rebel Alliance! Did you feel that disturbance? Yeah, that was us tangling up Alderaan with our sonacrylic ray beam. What are you gonna to do about it, huh? Bring it.

Festivals like Rhinebeck or NHSW are great for meeting and reconnecting with friends, spending the mortgage on yarn and generally relaxing among pals. Unlike those events, TNNA is an industry convention. That means people are there to buy and sell for retail shops, to network, to make contacts, to get business done. I can’t even tell you how invigorating it is to be able to consider knitting my “business”. I’m trying to figure out a way to make it pay the bills and software is still my primary business, but I’m really do lucky to be part of this industry. When I was a kid, my dad used to go to conventions for his work, but I’m pretty sure there wasn’t nearly as much hugging and squeeing at the industrial brush convention. I could be wrong, I’m just assuming.

I knew it was going to be an amazing time when it began with a Designers Dinner hosted by the lovely Marly of Yarn Thing. It was one of those times when you look around at the other guests and think “How the hell did I manage to get invited to this?” The room was packed with people I’ve admired for ages and I considered myself a fangirl. And now I was there as a peer. Weird. And awesome!

Also? We all got freakishly good swag bags brimming with amazing things that Andi at Knit Brit has actually listed out and is giving away in a contest. And Namaste bags! I know!!! There were all kinds and colors, deals and trades were being made and everyone left with a glow that can only be had by cradling a new Namaste bag. I got the lime green Bitty Bag, which is just the right size for me. I lurve it.

Here are some of the highlights in no particular order because the whole thing is one big blur. (those of you who remember Romper Room, this is the part where I check you out through the Magic Mirror)

First off, I got to meet Bonne Marie Burns! She and Marnie MacLean are the two people single-handedly responsible for getting me interested in knitting in the first place. Their designs and blogs captured me immediately. I was truly star struck and Bonne Marie was just as sweet and funny and savvy as I had hoped she would be.

We magnanimously shared our flight from and to (well, I took a later flight home in exchange for a voucher) Boston with Clara Parkes (Knitters Review), who totally cracks me up all the time. Hob-nobbed with Carol Sulkosci (GoKnitInYourHat) – I love me some Carol. She’s wicked in the best way possible. We got caught up on Shannon Okey’s (Knitgrrl) continuing plans for world domination. We think she’s really on to something good with her new publishing venture. After years of following her online, I finally got to meet Jessica from Rose-Kim Knits! She’s been making Thursdays better for a helluva long time.

Amy Detjen is always a delight to run into, her smile is infectious and I can’t wait to have cocktails with her in September at The Creative Connection! (It will happen, Amy. Oh yes. It will.) And continuing with the contagiously delightful, Amy Singer (Knitty) was there and though I’ve met her briefly before, we actually got to hang out at the Columbus Airport for a long while and it was really great. We also enjoyed the company of Chris Bylsma, who I am now in love with. That woman is sass on a silver platter.

The winner of the “Blew My Mind” award goes to Alisdair (Fallingblox Designs), a fellow Common Cod Fiber Guild member, who is coming out with a book called Extreme Double-Knitting in the next few months and it’s stunning. Stun. Ning. He’s doing the book with Cooperative Press and they had pieces from the book there. I cannot wait to get my paws on this book. I’ve been wanting to try double-knitting for a while and this is just the thing to get me doing it. Very exciting! (Alisdair was also hanging out with us at the airport, it was quite a knitting group we amassed there.)

I met a whack of amazing people for the first time, including Andi (KnitBrit) – who I ran into every 5 seconds and was happy about it every single time, Mercedes (Kitchen Sink Dyeworks) who dyes amazing yarn in bold, bright colors, and Daniel Yuhas, a soon-to-be published designer with a website called Molting Yeti – I love this guy!

I was also super excited to meet Heather from Army of Knitters. Her designs make my heart go pitter-pat in a big way. She then introduced us to Ragga (Knitting Iceland), who does knitting tours of Iceland! This makes me love Heather even more because Ragga is also darling and does knitting tours of Iceland! We are totally going to go on a knitting tour of Iceland. I can’t wait!

We literally chased down Linda Permann (LindaMade) to check out her gorgeous crocheted sweater, which turned out to be called Peanut Butter! It is now on my To Do List. (hope we didn’t scare Linda with our lion/gazelle technique.)

We fondled lots of good yarn in brilliant colors. Alisha (Alisha Goes Around) is a firecracker to the tenth power and I can’t wait to use the super-soft superwash BFL in Charcoal she gave me to create my first actual clothing design that doesn’t use beer cans. Then I fell head over heels for Merri Fromm from Blue Sky Alpacas. She totally gets our retro asthetic, was so sweet and charming and she gave us a bunch of amazing yarn to play with! I’m working on a bag design using some of their seriously chunky wool/alpaca. I swatched it and it’s 3 stitches to the inch using 10.5 needles. Boo-ya!

Speaking of needles, the lovely and generous ladies at HiyaHiya gave me a bunch of needles and crochet hooks, including the thinnest knitting needles I’ve ever seen. At 1.2mm, they’re so delicate and the cable join is so smooth, I can’t wait to try out something special with that cobweb cashmere I’ve been squirreling away.

Whew, I think that’s a pretty good rundown. It’s impossible to list everyone. Just know that the future of the fiber industry looks very bright. So much passion and talent and know-how. From the folks at Ravelry to yarn shop owners to indie yarn dyers and designers, our fiber world is a force to be reckoned with and with so much momentum, I think the next few years are going to be really interesting. I forsee a lot of changes and innovation coming that will benefit us all. It’s a good time to love yarn!

(this is how I would like you to imagine Caro and I as we embark upon the book tour.)

There are so many goings-on going on, I can hardly stand it! But in a good way. I love being busy. I work best in crazypants mode, so my motor is really humming as autumn has begun rolling out the leafy carpet.

The first bit of excitement is that I was accepted to be a member of Boston Handmade!! I’ve long been an admirer of the amazing artists involved and it’s a great honor to be accepted. I’ve been wanting to immerse myself more into creative pursuits and this is exactly what I needed. It’s time to being my A-game because there is some serious talent in this group.

Rhinebeck is less than two weeks away. WHAT!?! How did this happen? Honestly, I’m stunned. I haven’t been for the last two years, so I’m really excited to get back to my favorite stomping grounds. And I fired up the Rhinebeck Bingo machine, too! The sign-up deadline is October 9th at noon, so spread the word and climb aboard the Bingo train.

Knitting It Old School has been getting some great feedback, Caro and I are so delighted, it’s almost embarrasing how much we giggle about it. Girlish glee abounds. My favorite comment so far about it is from Pam Wynne, the designer of Rally. In her words, “at least 50% this book is 100% bananas.” Ha! That made me laugh and laugh. Clearly she gets it.

We kicked off our promotional extravaganza with the WEBS podcast, Ready, Set, Knit. Check it out, we sound like we actually know what we’re talking about. I did say “um” a fair amount, but I’m working on it. Kathy and Steve have such a great rapport on the show, it cracks me up. She is an amazing interviewer, I was impressed with how smoothly it went and how comfortable she made us feel. Thanks, Kathy!

We’ll also be doing a book signing and trunk show at WEBS on October 9th, so come by and let us scribble in your books. I have to say, I still feel weird writing in books, I spent most of my childhood being told that it was just about the worst thing you could do, and now people just hand me books to deface.

We’re still cobbling together our tour schedule, but it’s filling up fast. Here are some highlights:

Oct 16&17 – We’ll be signing books in the authors tent at Rhinebeck

Oct 30&31 (and hey, maybe the 29th) – signing books at Stitches East at the Elegant Ewe‘s booth. Kelly Bridges, who created the gorgeous Apres Ski Skirts works there, too!

Nov 6th – book signing and trunk show at Purl Diva in Brunswick, Maine.

Nov 12th – Big presentation with photos and everything at the Common Cod Fiber Guild.  We’re going to talk about the whole book-making process and I promise it’s going to be really fun. We’ll be laughing a lot as we tell you some crazy stories and show you behind the scenes shots. We’ll also be showing some of the pieces that inspired the designs in the book.

I’ll update the blog as we add things. We’ll be heading to different parts of the continent later in the year, so stay tuned for details!

This is a test of the Emergency Clown System. The broadcasters of your area in voluntary cooperation with the Federal, State and local authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an clown emergency.

If this had been an actual clown emergency,  the shrieking you just heard would have been followed by the blood curdling screams of innocents set upon by marauding clowns. It would have then been followed by hollow, soulless laughter as those painted demons twisted the intestines of their victims into balloon animals.

Official information, news or instructions would ultimately prove useless, but you would be advised to make your way the nearest clownout shelter. This blog  serves the northeast corner of the interwebs. This concludes this test of the Emergency Clown System.

Take this acrylic homage to Cleopatra in chainmail. (Cleo was big into the medieval reenactment scene before anyone even knew what it meant.)

This beach cover-up drapes the model from head to toe and yet, there’s not a whole lot of covering up going on.  My assumption is that she’s wearing a bikini under there, but the bizarre variegation of the yarn appears to be rendering the scraps of clothing she does have invisible. How is this possible? I cannot speak to the magic of crochet, ‘tis a mystic wonder. But I do wish they’d shown us a photo of the reverse grill marks she got after a day of cheerless frolicking in the sun.

They dreamed of a day when all natural fibers, and all of nature itself, would be a thing of the past. Mere remnants of an inconvenient age where cotton had to grow and be picked, sheep had to be shorn, and cows had to be…well, thunked on the head and peeled, they imagined.

Their plan to destroy the earth’s bounty grew from their love of easy-to-care-for acrylic, polyester and naugahyde. Even their wigs and false eyelashes were made of wind-resistant orlon. And soon their daily regime of aerosol sprays and backyard plastic bonfires would render the world safe from stains and wrinkles.

It was the only way.

The way into the future!

It’s been a busy year here at the Museum. You wouldn’t believe the number of meetings it takes to come up with excuses for not putting together any new exhibitions in months. That alone took up almost two thirds of our Executive Breakfast Treats budget! Then we had to drink all that beer to make that gown, and the extra time in rehab delayed our yearly Team Building Exercise retreat.

In the end, we had to opt for economy package and ended up tying cans of corn to our feet and walking across the snowy parking lot, cheering each other on as we took turns dodging cars from the contemporary art museum next door. They’re very angry people.

As a business owner yourself, you surely understand what it takes to keep your employees happy. You must toss those indentured elves a bone once in a while. Painting nipple rings and perfectly coiffed pubic hair onto Bratz dolls is grueling work, and you can’t expect them to find new and interesting ways to pimp out Elmo without a little light at the end of the tunnel, am I right? So I am hereby submitting my gift list for the staff of the MOKS.

I know it’s late, but you must have these gems tucked away somewhere in your workshop. Get on it, fat man. Do not make me call the child welfare department. Elves. Riiiiiight.

Ok, so I was thinking that there weren’t nearly enough opportunities to knock over salad on a daily basis, so how about one of these precarious salad towers. Could you make sure one of the legs is just a little shorter than the others? It’s for Gail and she’s really been chapping my hide with all her “equal pay” this and “OSHA regulations” that.

And toss this in, too. I’m feeling very passive aggressive today.

One of our new employees, Winnebago Lynne McCoy, is always going on about her kids and how they say the durndest thing and have all their various daddies’ eyes. Well, put up or shut up Winnie Lynne. Let’s see those precious demon seed you keep telling us about. Our insurance doesn’t cover the physical therapy you’ll require after lugging this thing around, but it has sound and everything! Just look at that protuberant microphone on top! The woman in the catalog sure looks like she’s having fun capturing her son’s humiliating defeat in the snowball fight of the century. Or is that a deadly avalanche? Either way, it’ll be fun to watch later.

For Belinda in Exhibits. Oh Belinda, your ironic love of 1980′s fashion will never stop pissing of your co-workers. No matter how hard you try to explain why it’s “funny”, you are only digging yourself deeper. You want to rip on the 50s, 60s and 70s with us? Fine! We’re totally on board. Some of that stuff is hysterical. What the hell were they thinking?! But the 80s? No. The wounds are too fresh. The memories are too clear. The legwarmers are still warm.

So Belinda, this is for you.

No Santa, not the outfits. These look like the kind of girls that terrorized me in Jr. High, so I’d like you to get them to come to the office to harass Belinda, to make her aware of her shortcomings in the bitchiest way possible. And I want them to say the word “like” constantly, I want every sentence to end as though it were a question, and I want them to speak in Valley Girl and not stop, not matter how much Belinda begs.

I believe this is their leader, “The Headband”. Find her and the others won’t be far, they move in a pack. Her real name is Melissa, but I think The Headband is much more intimidating. Belinda will, like, totally gag her with a spooooon?

Just bring Jane in Exhibits a big bottle of hooch. She works with Belinda all day and the one in the bottom drawer of her desk is just about empty.

I think Vito needs something as sexy as he is. These ought to do the trick.

I got a very specific and somewhat disturbing gift request from Ted in Acquisitions. But who am I to deny a man his interests? The man love Annie and he’s not afraid to shout it from the rooftops. Even if it means me having to bail him out of jail at three in the morning for disturbing the peace.

Yes. The wig, too.

And he picked out something for his assistant, Jim. They’ve been spending a lot more time together lately, so I think this is some kind of “inside joke” between them. He wouldn’t tell me what it was, he just gave me the catalog number. It looks to be a casting and molding kit. I’m not one for speculation, but I would say that these boys may be starting some kind of kinky side business. Looks like they’re not all that interested in the softer side of Sears.

Tammy in Accounting? Well, I’m not really sure what you get a girl like Tammy. Usually I just get her a big bottle of antibiotics and some hand wipes, but this year, let’s try something different. She like animals, and I bet she likes them even more when they’re stapled to a puffy down coat! So let’s go with this.

She spends a fair amount of time standing around on street corners in her off hours, so maybe some lovely boots that will keep her warm and fashionable at the same time. Hey, slutty Martians need love, too.

And let’s not forget Tammy in Reception. Tammy, oh Tammy. How many hours have you spent online searching for ways to retouch this year’s Christmas card photo of you and your cats having a tea party while you should have been typing up invoices? Well, it’s all over, because I’m taking your computer and replacing it with one of these relics. Do kids today even understand what “carriage return” means?

And do they understand that back in the day, it took SIX EASY STEPS to correct a mistake?

And that for some inexplicable reason, every single thing had to be labeled for the obtuse masses?

Probably not. But because Tammy works hard, I’d also like her to have the Barbie and Ken Sham Marriage Playset. It includes:

A very body conscious Ken who spends a lot of time at the gym on the west side of town.

And Barbie, a popular musician who plays torch songs in smokey bars full of handsome men who are screaming for her to do her Liza medley.

You get an official wedding photo for the press.

And a cold but very tastelfully designed home where you spend evenings tossing back brandy and wondering just where the hell it all went wrong.

And then Barbie beats the crap out of Ken at a ritzy restaurant, Ken sues, Barbie goes on a binge of pills and booze and spends 3 months in rehab for “exhaustion”, then gets here own reality show. It’s really fun!

And for everyone, new uniforms!!

And Santa, if you have room in your bag and if you value the lives of your merry reindeer team and don’t want me to give your address to Sarah Palin, who loves her some reindeer burgers, I will gladly accept anything from this page with girlsh glee. They’re all radios! All of ‘em! The beer, the ketchup, the burger. Heck, even the radio-shaped one!!

But if I had to pick one, it would be the radio/toilet paper holder. It would be the answer to a number of problems in my daily life and to all of my prayers since I was but a small child who only wished she could rock out to her favorite tunes while wiping.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter. I look forward to working with you again.

Stitchy McYarnpants

Museum of Kitschy Stitches, Curator Happy Holidays!!

All left over merchandise will be going into my Etsy shop on Monday or Tuesday. I’m really happy about the new magnets, bags and pendants I’ve been making and I think you’ll like them, too. You can see a little sampling here.

But when I get back, we need to talk. Specifically, we need to talk about this:

Now look, a lot of things can be easily explained away by saying “That? Oh, that’s from England.” Spotted Dick? Normally I’d recommend some antibiotics, but it’s from England so it’s a tasty snack. Referring to an umbrella as a “bumbershoot”? Very cute, I’ll admit. Although I don’t think anyone else could get away with it. David Bowie singing about laughing gnomes. ~sigh~ Ok. Fine.

But I draw the line at a Terror Fish. That is it. You’ve simply gone too far this time.

England, you got some ‘splainin to do.

Oh, and Scotland? Don’t go thinking you’re off the hook, either.

So follow this link to four videos: the Swimsuit Competition (if you only watch one, watch this one. You will be astounded.), the Talent Competition, the Evening Gown Competition (featuring my beer can dress!), and the Awards Ceremony. We missed the actual crowning because we ere too busy jumping around, but you do get to see all the other contestants.

And if you’d like to see more bits of the event, others have posted some videos. Check out the Opening Montage where you can see the contestants before, during and after their transformations. And Oh. Mah. God. Miss Tara Ligament’s talent performance (she was a really amped up cheerleader with amazing legs. Go ahead, you’ll see.).

We had such a blast while we were visiting Stacy (that’s my friend who played Shelby Free). His friend, George, threw a party before the pageant and we met the most amazing bunch of people, it really was like walking into a whole new family of friends. We loved it so well that we’ll be back next year! Wooooo!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who sent donations and well-wishes to Stacy and Aid for AIDS. It means so much. With your help, Stacy raised over $8,500 – the most money that any contestant has ever raised. In all, the pageant raised over $350,000 for a worthy cause. Feels good, don’t it?

The winner of the 2008 Best in Drag show is . . . SHELBY FREEEEEEE!!!!! How cool is that? I’ll tell you. Totally and completely. It is totally and completely cool. Stacy did such a great job as Shelby, he had the audience whoopin’ and a-hollarin’ from the moment he showed up with his mobile outhouse in the swimsuit competition. You have to have some kind of “reveal” for the swimsuit, so Shelby had a foam outhouse with handles inside so he could carry it walk out on stage in it. Then out he popped in a jewel-encrusted Budweiser bathing suit and a wig all wrapped up in Bud cans instead of curlers. The toilet paper stuck to his shoe was sublime.

I’ll have more pictures later, and hopefully the video came out ok, but I just wanted to pop in to announce the good news. Here are a few pics for now.

The event began with the comedy stylings of the hilarious Kathy Griffin, this was the best I could do with onstage photos. Much was made of her grand opening and everyone enjoyed her jokes, too. (LOTS of jokes about “openings” at a drag pageant, as it turns out.)

I tried to get a photo with Shelby onstage after the show while she was in her throne, but I was too late and we got shuffled out. Here we are in chaos (you can see guys taking the throne away in the back):

And here we are right where Shelby feels most at home. In a dark alley behind the building. Also, how much do you love the gal on the right? She looks just like my Marie Osmond doll from way back when!

And don’t forget, just because the pageant is over doesn’t mean it’s too late to donate! Check out Shelby’s website and give what you can! Also, Stacy has had an amazingly tough week. As if it’s not scary enough to have to perform in front of thousands of people, his mom passed away last week after a grueliing battle with cancer. His commitment to this cause is a testament to his heart and his cojones. Even if you can’t send him a donation, send some love his way. His email is on the main page of his website, I know he’d love to hear from everyone who’s been moved or amused or touched by his most unusual brand of community service.

It’s taken a lot of work, a few band-aids and dozens of cans, but I am finally finished! And I couldn’t be more pleased with the results. It really does look just as it did in my head.

I’m going to start with the one detail shot I have, because once you see the photos of the dress actually being modeled, you’re not going care about the details. Trust me. So this is the skirt. I sewed on some opalescent pilettes and they really sparkle like crazy when the dress moves. It was time-consuming, but I’m glad I went ahead and did it.

I’ve already sent the dress off to Shelby and she’ll be adding even more sparkly bits to the top portion. She has some little crystal things left over from another outfit, so I gave her free reign to further bedazzle the gown.

And here is my adorable mother-on-law, Barbara, sewing a band of red, white and blue sequins onto the inside of the skirt. It really needed something extra in there and it added just enough pizazz.

Ok, so now here is where things get really good. I wanted to show you the whole dress, but the dress form just wasn’t doing it justice. I needed a model. Now, I would have been glad to do it, but seeing as how my trunk has it’s fair share of junk. There’s no way I’m getting into that thing without getting sliced in half. While it would have made cool photos, I think the internet has plenty of that sort of thing on it already.

So what’s a girl to do? Well, my mother-in-law was in town, but she’s very short and little and would have been drowning in the dress. There was only one choice.

Jon had to do it. Ok, this was the plan all along, but he doesn’t need to know that. Shhhhhh . . . .

Now, I don’t know if it’s because we’re die-hard Project Runway fans (have I mentioned that we’re both hoping like crazy that Chris March will be at the pageant? Oh my god, we’d both be giggling like schoolgirls.) but Jon really got into the photo session. He was nervous at first, but then turned all RuPaul and was hitting poses left and right. But he did keep hid tube socks and shorts on. Let’s not get crazy, here.

And there you go. An evening gown that has champagne taste on a beer budget. Cheap champagne, but champagne nonetheless.

This dress is a memorial of sorts. When Stacy (Shelby Free’s real name) contacted me out of the blue to create the dress (he found my by googling “crocheted beer cans”. Ha!), it didn’t take much for me to say yes. Partly it just seemed like a fun project and a good challenge. But it’s also for a great cause. A couple of years before I met Jon, his brother, Tim, died of AIDS. I never got to meet him, but he’s still included in family dinner conversation and provides lot of laughter as people reminisce about his past exploits (truth be told, he was a bit of a red-headed devil in his younger years) and wonder what he’d think about various things going on in their lives. I do feel a deep affection for Tim because I’ve gotten to know him from the fond and often hilarious memories of those who loved him, and I think he would have gotten a huge kick out of this dress and the pageant.

If you haven’t already, please check out Shelby Free’s website, read Stacy’s story about why he’s doing the pageant and if you feel moved to do so, please donate. Just navigate your way to Shelby’s donation page from his main page and make sure you put “Shelby Free” in the company name field on the donation form so Stacy can keep track of the donations he’s collected. So far, he’s raised $7,000!

Give until it’s glamorous, people!!