This Kandy Klown is the worst of both worlds for a kid. Its arrival on Christmas morning could very possibly be enough of a buzz-kill to ruin the whole day. Pep-O-Mint is the least loved of all sugary confections. Well, it’s a close second to a giant block of sticky ribbon candy, anyway. Perching the decapitated head of a clown on top does nothing to add to its appeal. Graft on some ambiguous yarn limbs and you’ve got what grandma[...]

So we’re redecorating the upstairs powder room and I’m looking for, I don’t know, something special. Something feminine to class the place up, and that also reflects who I am as a person. How can I combine my love of mid-century pop music with my passion for taxidermy? I know! The disembodied heads of renowned 60′s girl group, the Kleenettes! I’ll just replace all that neural tissue with soft, absorbent facial tissue and Darlene, Marlene, and Charlene can be with[...]

There’s an old adage that says “there are no atheists in foxholes.” Judging from the list of religious intonations that poured out of my mouth the very second I stumbled across these twisted playthings of the Dark Lord, I’d say that adage also holds true for anyone in their presence. Toto the Clown, seen at the bottom, seems evil enough on his own. His apparent possession of two mouths, both most certainly full of needle sharp teeth meant for penetrating[...]