Archives for August 2006

Ryan's Hopelessness

Published on 24 Aug 2006 at 1:55 pm. 11 Comments.
Filed under MOKS.

 

I think someone forgot to tell micro-mommy that the pattern for this skating skirt also comes in adult sizes. I bet she wouldn’t have listened, though. I sense a turbulent daytime-televisionesque relationship blossoming here. Prom night is going to be disastrous for little Susie Ryan, I just know it.

She’ll come down the stairs in the new frilly frock that her mom made and blush demurely when her boyfriend’s eyes turn into saucers as she descends. She’ll feel so special, so pretty, at long last. Then she’ll realize that her mom is right behind her in a pair of taffeta hot pants made from the leftover material. And so are the days of the lives of all our children, so young and restless. But that’s how it is when you just have one life to live, you’ve just got to follow that guiding light and do your best to be bold and beautiful as the world turns. Luckily, there’s a killer rehab program at General Hospital.

 

 

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An MOKS Update – Father and Son Revisited

Published on 21 Aug 2006 at 9:37 am. 10 Comments.
Filed under MOKS.

 

 

 

Do you ever wonder what happened to this unfortunate father and son duo?

 

Did they come to their senses and free themselves from the maniacal needles of doom? Did they convince the lady of the house to start making manly sweaters with stripes and skulls and naked ladies on them? Or did their miserable lives trudge forward along the testosterone-draining road she knit before them?

You decide.

 

~sigh~ Looks like that guardrail at the lake was a little stronger than the old man thought. Now he’s working on the one at the jogging track behind the high school.

Poor guy, what a sap. Look at him workin’ it for Junior. “C’mon son, buck up! If we keep training, maybe we’ll be able to run away someday. But for now, let’s just be thankful for our matching turquoise cabled turtle-head sweaters. You look just like that terrific Precious Moments figurine I gave you last week! Isn’t that swell?”*

 

*bonus creepy points for those black leather OJ gloves. Don’t worry boys, if they don’t fit, they must acquit.

 

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Bag Lady

Published on 18 Aug 2006 at 10:32 am. 12 Comments.
Filed under MOKS.

You’d look a little pale too if your intestines were packed tight with the convenience of reusable plastic shopping bags. And that constant look of dull surprise is more than likely a direct result of the entire household taking full advantage of that convenience.
 

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A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waist

Published on 16 Aug 2006 at 8:24 am. 14 Comments.
Filed under MOKS.

 

You know, this sweater isn’t bad at all. I do love a basketweave knit. I’m more concerned with this woman’s decision to cinch her outfit at the head.

 

 

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Pep-O-Don't

Published on 3 Aug 2006 at 5:22 pm. 17 Comments.
Filed under Christmas, Clowns, Crafty Badness, Favorites, MOKS.

This Kandy Klown is the worst of both worlds for a kid. Its arrival on Christmas morning could very possibly be enough of a buzz-kill to ruin the whole day. Pep-O-Mint is the least loved of all sugary confections. Well, it’s a close second to a giant block of sticky ribbon candy, anyway. Perching the decapitated head of a clown on top does nothing to add to its appeal. Graft on some ambiguous yarn limbs and you’ve got what grandma would call an “adorable treat” and what junior can’t wait to strap an entire package of firecrackers onto.

 

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